https://disjectamembra2014.blogspot.com/2019/09/marmalade-i-love-you-forever-most.html
Marmalade, my little lude dude (completely and totally forgot about this one.....)
sweetening our days and sweetening our nights, sweetening our lives, all our lives through
Marmalade you sweeten our days and you sweeten our nights, you sweeten our lives, all our lives through
bronze gold copper sunshine, caramel, twizzles, drizzles, cinnamon swirl, whip of papaya
flaming firebolt
sun spun its rays into a brassy bar of fur
my cinnamon buns
cinnamon tootsie roll, bronze nugget
my peanut butter cream puff pie
my peanut butter brittle
my delicate puss, my delicate swan, swan legs, legs so slim and delicate, fragile, beautiful, always made me
think of a swan, my swan
you are made of earth's precious metals
you are made of the same stuff as stars
he bows, then does a trick that wows, he's the original bow wow wow, cats are the original bow wow wow
you come from Egypt, you were worshipped because cats were considered stately, dignified, royal, and wise,
and you are
you are made of the sun and the moon and the stars
stardust kitty
purr baby
furr baby
slim jim, mr. slim jim
juice up (to get ready for your walk, patio time)
honey bear, bear of honey
are you the puss? are you the hairy pussy? yes you are, you are the pussy of the house, house puss
Mr. Cockala
slap dash, dash of slap (you rubbing past, you rubbing against us, slap then dash, my rap kitty)
my rap kitty
cocky pussy
you're my baby
my little wild maniac
you trill like a nightingale, like a bulgarian polyphony singer
honey bear, my bear of honey
wildcat
he whips me with his tail, tail whipped
whip that tail
there you are Marmalade, there you are
hustle and flow, hustle flow
praline crunch
hiss of the house
passion puss, my puss of passion
passion puss, where is the passion puss
puss-say I say
peach cream fuzz pie
sexy pussy, he's all kinds of sexy
sexula of the house, mr. sexy
big puss, little puss, fast puss, finicky puss, all kinds of pussy, all kinds of puss
good puss, bad puss, fast puss, finicky puss
stubborn puss, stubborn pussy
my little nomad
Hey puss, I see you
puss, puss, puss
house puss, puss of the house
yo pussy, soul pussy, fast furious finicky pussy
passionate puss
pusses tusses
wild puss
fast furious finicky ferocious
my sphinx, you are a riddle
sexy strut, strut of sex
strut swagger, swing those hips, swing those hips round, strut those legs, pump those legs, slap those paws
down, slap, slap, slap, slap
strut that body around, strut that body round
swing the bommaly boms around
stretch that body, spread those toes, close those legs
we have a puss in the house, a house puss
we have a pussy in the house, where is the pussy of the house
lounge like a lion
leap like a leopard
lurk like a lynx
jump like a jaguar
prowl like a panther
pounce like a puma
taunt like a tiger
chaunt like a cheetah
balk like a baboon
swing like an orangutan
woolly bully, my little woolly bully
soul brother/brutha
yowl
Marmalade I love you forever. The most loving, passionate, magnificent creature ever. Now you're healed
forever. I hope and pray and demand the other side is a far better world with everything you want and love.
Someday I'll catch up to you. Words and thoughts and emotion and life itself fail me. Anger Pain Guilt Rage
Devastation All Of It consumes me forever. I hope and pray you are purely healed and reborn and return to me. I
hope and pray you are purely healed and reborn and join a family who give you endless love and everything you
need and everything you want and lay down their lives for you. January 2009 - 1st September 2019
______________________________
Borrowing from When Lilacs Last In The Dooryard Bloom'd
My Marmalade crying trilling pure deliberate notes that spread and filled my heart/mind/soul and the early
evening night when Kenny cut down those trees, cats lived/hid out in those wild tangle of trees behind his house,
Marmalade you cried anguishing meows that night watching Kenny cut them down, I'll never forget, haunted me
everyday of my life, Marmalade's little heart deeply deeply devastatingly broken for his comrades of the night,
meows of uttermost woe, looking back it was like an omen that Marmalade would always suffer, meow notes
long panoramas of visions of cat disbelief and heartbreak, you were born into suffering that you NEVER
DESERVED, YOU NEVER DESERVED THE SUFFERING/TRAUMA that entangled you (Elsie's dog almost
attacking you that resulted in your badly injured paws/claws because you dug your claws into the ground when
you set your body up to "stand your ground" and defend yourself, the other guy's dogs jumping through the
screen, Shirley's dog, the guy with the small motorcycle and you re-injured your paws/claws, when you broke
your femur climbing the planter, you joined our family and ended up suffering our NEVER ENDING BAD
LUCK). I'm sorry Kenny did that, I went from not liking him to viewing him as a worthless piece of shit, he did
not want us back there or on his lawn, I understand that, all he had to do was fix his fence (which he did do, in
the most rudest ignorant scumbag way possible) or simply shout over one day, hey, please no more crossing
through the fence. My heart broke that day watching your heart break, I tried to console you but you were
understandably inconsolable.
Marlade's trilling meow the song of my soul, clear, low, wailing, flooding the night, bursting with disbelief,
covering my heart, his powerful psalm in the early evening I heard forever from that evening forward, I see him
trying to stand and peer as high as possible and meow in devastating disbelief and anguish that his cat friends
might be harmed, I tried to commune with you, confort you, but your piercing deeply deeply deeply sad meow
gutted me and I knew you your heart broke, wonderous meows of my bronze gold copper sunshine Marmalade,
the sound full of woe, I felt the same and your heart pain was my heart pain, meow on my pussy cat, I had no
right to sharply yell at you to get you stop meowing ALL THOSE NIGHTS when you meowed wildly to your cat
friends and to the wild night, you poured your meow all across creation itself, limitless
My Marmalade's meows free and tender and wild and loose and wondrous, mastering me, my trilling bulgarian
polyphony singer, your meows received all existence, thrilling
But that early evening (Kenny cutting tries) your meows sang the carol of innocence broken, of a heart broken, a
carol that rapt me, rapt the night, my songbird, this Marmalade is the best I can do for you, heavily borrowed
from Whitman, this is my chant for you, I love you above all, I voice with my husky ragged voice this for you,
hear this, come back to us.
______________________________
Walt Whitman
Of your real body and any man's or woman's real body,
Item for item it will elude the hands of the corpse-cleaners and
pass to fitting spheres,
Carrying what has accrued to it from the moment of birth to the
moment of death.
______________________________
Walt Whitman - Unnamed Land
O I know that those men and women were not for nothing, any more
than we are for nothing,
I know that they belong to the scheme of the world every bit as much
as we now belong to it.
I believe of all those men and women that fill'd the unnamed lands,
every one exists this hour here or elsewhere, invisible to us.
In exact proportion to what he or she grew from in life, and out of
what he or she did, felt, became, loved, sinn'd, in life.
I believe that was not the end of those nations or any person of
them, any more than this shall be the end of my nation, or of me;
Of their languages, governments, marriage, literature, products,
games, wars, manners, crimes, prisons, slaves, heroes, poets,
I suspect their results curiously await in the yet unseen world,
counterparts of what accrued to them in the seen world,
I suspect I shall meet them there,
I suspect I shall there find each old particular of those unnamed lands.
______________________________
My beloved Marmalade through with your part: you're only sleeping, you're merely sleeping, you have a new
part to play, your new part is waiting, wake up and commence with your new part, nine lives not only means
nine human lives in your lifetime, it means nine human lives in my timeline, nine of you in my lifetime, you owe
me countless years, you owe me nine more lives, return home, I love you
______________________________
You're still tied to September because you were grafted to September, having lived through the early morning of
September 1st, closing your eyes for the last time that morning. You are engrafted to September 2019 for having
lived through that September 1st Sunday morning. September 1st was your last day (and Sunday, our shopping
day, forever changed) but you're engrafted to September each and every day of the month.
Tomorrow is October 1st, a whole new world because September will be complete, closed, your final day no
longer attached to the month. My real first day KNOWING it's a world without you alive running around by my
side in it. My first real day in the world by myself, on my own, a whole new world, after the time we had. You
will not be engrafted to October 2019 or the months and years beyond. Billions of calendars have turned the
page and you are left behind in September 2019.
But you are engrafted IN ME and I will carry you with me and in me through the remainder of my life, you will
be carried alive in me for a duration of probably close to twice my age. I'm old yet have twice my life left to
live (although I see no future, I have no sense of any future). Myself and mother (and worthless excuse of a
human being grandmother who really stopped caring about you several years ago because she finally aged into a
geriatric stage) are the two people who will carry your entire 10 year and 8 month and 1 day existence inside
ourselves for the rest of our days. I will carry you in me for the rest of my life. You were and are and always
will be worshipped. You are engrafted in my brain, heart, bones, cells, soul.
It's over now, we had our time. Thank you Heather Nova for that lyric. It likely saved my life reading it today.
Marmalade I love you. I always told you, you're killing me, because I knew, deep inside, our time together was
limited (felines live out their lives faster than humans), I knew time with you was limited, you killed me. It's
over now, we had our time. This pain is agonizing. I failed you, not vice-versa. All you ever wanted was for us
to be full of laughter and happiness and joy. You wanted our house to be a happy, joyful, laughing, home. You'll
NEVER know how sorry I am that that happy joyous home was never meant to be. You'll also never know that
you entered a NON-CHANGING situation, there was NOTHING you could do to unify myself and the other two
people. You did everything in your power to unify us and that was beyond ALL power. But you saved me. You
SAVED me. I failed you. It was up to me to change and exit and take you with me. But YOU NEVER FAILED.
You brightened our life for 10 years and 9 months. You brought us endless infinite eternal happiness and joy and
laughter for 10 years and 9 months. I'm sorry for all the screaming and fighting and screaming and fighting and
ever more screaming and fighting and endless damage that was done (which you always swept away without a
care, felines always do, that a major feline gift), which had nothing to do with you. Uniting myself and the other
two people was never going to happen, you did not know the damage was done, you were not yet in the world. It
took more than 4 billion years for your father's seed to be planted, for you to grow inside your mother, for your
mother to birth you into this world, for you to find yourself in our house. It will take 4 billion years for that seed
to return and be seeded again and for you to be rebirthed into the world. Whatever world there is then. YOU
NEVER FAILED. You saved my life. You were my life. You are my life. Know that I'm doing, I'm trying, my
very best, to draw strength from memories of you, from thoughts of you, through remembering your meows and
purrs and radiance and glory and happiness and contentment. All you ever wanted was for me to be happy and
calm and content, to be in a state of joy and contentment and ease. I am doing everything I can allow everything
you gave me to flow through me eternally: your endless passion and love and radiance and gloriousness and
joyousness and contentment and joy and happiness and forbearance and forgiveness and cockiness and complete
and utter joy of the world and everything in it despite the screaming and the fights and all the loud
neighbourhood noises and the maniacal dogs and Florida's holocaust heat. I always told you, you sweetened our
days and you sweetened our nights and you sweetened our lives, all our lives through, and that is what I must
remember at all times. You want me happy. The sad thing is if I ever get the actual happiness I want (and you
know what that is Marmalade, I told you a million times, moving back up north to a blue democratic state with
four seasons), you won't be here to enjoy it. I'm sorry I failed to move us to a blue Democrat state with 4 seasons
and a much cooler cleaner happier environment. That failure kills me every second I breathe. You deserved
better than me and the shit Florida weather and shit hood with shit people we were stuck in. I love you.
Nature/Existence/Evolution is evil and cruel for having designed felines (and canines) to live out their lives in
the blink of a human eye. The pain hurts like it should. Because that is the price of love.
And I'm not editing this message from this moment forward. I have to let it go now. I love you Marmalade. Puss,
puss, puss, where is the puss of the house? (Seeing you): There you are.
______________________________
Heather Nova - Feel You Like A River
( On ATB / Two worlds LP )
I could feel you across the miles of my body
Almost physical, spiritual
Like there was no separation
Like you were right beside me
Like a river
I can feel forever in my mind
I can always reach for you inside
We can stay together in our minds
Feel you like a river,
Never die
Ooh ooh ooh ...
Remember the bridge we crossed
Leaning out over the water,
With the sun streaming in
Through the leaves
We can keep it alive,
It's just energy
I can feel forever in my mind
I can always reach for you inside
We can stay together in our minds
Feel you like a river,
Never die
Ooh ooh ooh ...
And I feel I feel I feel you
Like a river
And I feel I feel I feel you,
Like a river
I can feel forever in my mind
I can always reach for you inside
We can stay together in our minds
Feel you like a river,
Never die
Ooh ooh ooh ...
And I feel I feel I feel you,
Like a river
And I feel I feel I feel you,
Like a river
And I feel I feel I feel you,
Like a river
______________________________
Tested
Simplicity, is what we need
And I know it in my heart
So many choices make us think we need
What we haven't got
I've been blessed, by you
I've been tested, by an angel
I've been blessed, by you
And I know and I believe
There's a way out to the sea of happiness
And if I knew what Buddha taught
And would my wings unfold
And if I had all that I want
Could I let it go
I've been blessed, by you
I've been tested, by an angel
I've been blessed, by you
And I know and I believe
There's a way out to the sea of happiness
And sometimes I feel I'm learning to crawl
Like I'm still learning how to love
And sometimes I feel like I'm losing it all
But I know there must be some way we can rise above
I've been blessed, by you
I've been tested, by an angel
I've been blessed, by you
And I know and I believe
There's a way out to the sea of happiness
And I know and I believe
And I know and I believe
And I know and I believe
______________________________
And even though I miss you, I know we're through (we, Marmalade, will never NEVER through)
And I need to find something new
And I need new love
And I need true love
And I need to be held
And I need to be told
There's more to come
I know you're gone, but you
You left me a song
Take the bitter with the sweet
Take the pain in search of joy
I'm still the child I was inside
Emotions that I tried to hide
Out of every sorrow
Another day will dawn
Sometimes you got to let love go
Even though it's hurting, even though
And sometimes you got to let love slide
With the river
The river of life
And though remorse comes easily
An act of love could set you free
______________________________
The Bowerbird
love walks beside me, but I didn't see til now; how tall and how good
and how rare a bower bird he is. for years he has laid out the path
of blue objects leading to the finest nest. the songs I made and all the
dinners were nothing in comparison. I catch him sleeping and it makes
me cry for all my wandering and darkness and for all his grace. kick
me out, let the folds of promise smother me; I have failed the biggest
test, a beginner cheating at the starting line. bind me up and throw me
to the sharks; I will rot in your lovely nest, I will mess it up and leave
feathers everywhere. you are too good for me; I swear G-d gave me
your heart on a bone china plate to make up for the pain i'd known.
and maybe we are given but one gift in life. we could go on, but you
are so rare and patient. I don't deserve your sweetness or your comfort
or your blue blue blue, perfect blue love.
______________________________
Marmalade, From You To Me, That Last Day, Your Eyes Squinting Closed And Face Beaming, Perhaps Lost,
Definitely Dying, Hopefully In Reverie Of Joyous Memories, Definitely Running Through A Million Memories
In Your Mind, Your Face Beaming Up Into The Sun, A Smile On Your Face, Hoping, Knowing, Knowing You
Were Going To Return To The Light: Heather Nova - If I Should Die
If I Should Die
If I should die and leave you here, just disappear
I know the sun will still shine
The day I'm gone, you'll carry on and on and on
And I know the sun will still shine
And if you wanna reach me
Just feel the sun in your face
And if you wanna hear me
Just sing out with your own voice
Life in each hour is delicate
As a jasmine flower in my hands
Just for this time
To kiss your face, to hold you now
To feel this grace
Just for this time
And if you wanna reach me
Just feel the sun in your face
And if you wanna hear me
Just sing out with your own voice
Cause I will always, I will always
I will always be a part of you
And love will always, love will always
Love will always, love will get you through
Yeah, I will always, I will always
I will always be a part of you
And love will always, love will always
Love will always, love will get you through
______________________________
Your voice and existence fills all my existence and life's existence, Marmalade your meows and purrs are being
heard long past your days, you will be heard long past your days, I hear you now, long past your days
You're lost in the silence now, deep in my heart
I'm starting again but I don't know how to start
Look out to the ocean, the green turns to blue
Crack in the sadness, the light filters through
______________________________
L-rd Byron - Childe Harold's Pilgrimage - Canto III
Adieu to thee again! a vain adieu!
There can be no farewell to scene like thine;
The mind is colour'd by thy every hue;
And if reluctantly the eyes resign
Their cherish'd gaze upon thee, lovely Rhine!
'Tis with the thankful glance of parting praise;
More mighty spots may rise, more glaring shine,
But none unite in one attaching maze
The brilliant, fair, and soft, — the glories of old days.
______________________________
To every life a light that shines
To every heart a beat that's true
Baby you're my yellow summer
Baby you're my winterblue
______________________________
Out Of The Cradle Endlessly Rocking
Out of the cradle endlessly rocking,
Out of the mocking-bird's throat, the musical shuttle,
Out of the Ninth-month midnight,
Over the sterile sands and the fields beyond, where the child
leaving his bed wander'd alone, bareheaded, barefoot,
Down from the shower'd halo,
Up from the mystic play of shadows twining and twisting as if they
were alive,
Out from the patches of briers and blackberries,
From the memories of the bird that chanted to me,
From your memories sad brother, from the fitful risings and fallings I heard,
From under that yellow half-moon late-risen and swollen as if with tears,
From those beginning notes of yearning and love there in the mist,
From the thousand responses of my heart never to cease,
From the myriad thence-arous'd words,
From the word stronger and more delicious than any,
From such as now they start the scene revisiting,
As a flock, twittering, rising, or overhead passing,
Borne hither, ere all eludes me, hurriedly,
A man, yet by these tears a little boy again,
Throwing myself on the sand, confronting the waves,
I, chanter of pains and joys, uniter of here and hereafter,
Taking all hints to use them, but swiftly leaping beyond them,
A reminiscence sing.
Once Paumanok,
When the lilac-scent was in the air and Fifth-month grass was growing,
Up this seashore in some briers,
Two feather'd guests from Alabama, two together,
And their nest, and four light-green eggs spotted with brown,
And every day the he-bird to and fro near at hand,
And every day the she-bird crouch'd on her nest, silent, with bright eyes,
And every day I, a curious boy, never too close, never disturbing
them,
Cautiously peering, absorbing, translating.
Shine! shine! shine!
Pour down your warmth, great sun.
While we bask, we two together.
Two together!
Winds blow south, or winds blow north,
Day come white, or night come black,
Home, or rivers and mountains from home,
Singing all time, minding no time,
While we two keep together.
Till of a sudden,
May-be kill'd, unknown to her mate,
One forenoon the she-bird crouch'd not on the nest,
Nor return'd that afternoon, nor the next,
Nor ever appear'd again.
And thenceforward all summer in the sound of the sea,
And at night under the full of the moon in calmer weather,
Over the hoarse surging of the sea,
Or flitting from brier to brier by day,
I saw, I heard at intervals the remaining one, the he-bird,
The solitary guest from Alabama.
Blow! blow! blow!
Blow up sea-winds along Paumanok's shore;
I wait and I wait till you blow my mate to me.
Yes, when the stars glisten'd,
All night long on the prong of a moss-scallop'd stake,
Down almost amid the slapping waves,
Sat the lone singer wonderful causing tears.
He call'd on his mate,
He pour'd forth the meanings which I of all men know.
Yes my brother I know,
The rest might not, but I have treasur'd every note,
For more than once dimly down to the beach gliding,
Silent, avoiding the moonbeams, blending myself with the shadows,
Recalling now the obscure shapes, the echoes, the sounds and sights
after their sorts,
The white arms out in the breakers tirelessly tossing,
I, with bare feet, a child, the wind wafting my hair,
Listen'd long and long.
Listen'd to keep, to sing, now translating the notes,
Following you my brother.
Soothe! soothe! soothe!
Close on its wave soothes the wave behind,
And again another behind embracing and lapping, every one close,
But my love soothes not me, not me.
Low hangs the moon, it rose late,
It is lagging--O I think it is heavy with love, with love.
O madly the sea pushes upon the land,
With love, with love.
O night! do I not see my love fluttering out among the breakers?
What is that little black thing I see there in the white?
Loud! loud! loud!
Loud I call to you, my love!
High and clear I shoot my voice over the waves,
Surely you must know who is here, is here,
You must know who I am, my love.
Low-hanging moon!
What is that dusky spot in your brown yellow?
O it is the shape, the shape of my mate.
O moon do not keep her from me any longer.
Land! land! O land!
Whichever way I turn, O I think you could give me my mate back again
if you only would,
For I am almost sure I see her dimly whichever way I look.
O rising stars!
Perhaps the one I want so much will rise, will rise with some of you.
O throat! O trembling throat!
Sound clearer through the atmosphere!
Pierce the woods, the earth,
Somewhere listening to catch you must be the one I want.
Shake out carols!
Solitary here, the night's carols!
Carols of lonesome love! death's carols!
Carols under that lagging, yellow, waning moon!
O under that moon where she droops almost down into the sea!
O reckless despairing carols.
But soft! sink low!
Soft! let me just murmur,
And do you wait a moment you husky-nois'd sea,
For somewhere I believe I heard my mate responding to me,
So faint, I must be still, be still to listen,
But not altogether still, for then she might not come immediately to me.
Hither my love!
Here I am! here!
With this just-sustain'd note I announce myself to you,
This gentle call is for you my love, for you.
Do not be decoy'd elsewhere,
That is the whistle of the wind, it is not my voice,
That is the fluttering, the fluttering of the spray,
Those are the shadows of leaves.
O darkness! O in vain!
O I am very sick and sorrowful
O brown halo in the sky near the moon, drooping upon the sea!
O troubled reflection in the sea!
O throat! O throbbing heart!
And I singing uselessly, uselessly all the night.
O past! O happy life! O songs of joy!
In the air, in the woods, over fields,
Loved! loved! loved! loved! loved!
But my mate no more, no more with me!
We two together no more.
The aria sinking,
All else continuing, the stars shining,
The winds blowing, the notes of the bird continuous echoing,
With angry moans the fierce old mother incessantly moaning,
On the sands of Paumanok's shore gray and rustling,
The yellow half-moon enlarged, sagging down, drooping, the face of
the sea almost touching,
The boy ecstatic, with his bare feet the waves, with his hair the
atmosphere dallying,
The love in the heart long pent, now loose, now at last tumultuously
bursting,
The aria's meaning, the ears, the soul, swiftly depositing,
The strange tears down the cheeks coursing,
The colloquy there, the trio, each uttering,
The undertone, the savage old mother incessantly crying,
To the boy's soul's questions sullenly timing, some drown'd secret hissing,
To the outsetting bard.
Demon or bird! (said the boy's soul,)
Is it indeed toward your mate you sing? or is it really to me?
For I, that was a child, my tongue's use sleeping, now I have heard you,
Now in a moment I know what I am for, I awake,
And already a thousand singers, a thousand songs, clearer, louder
and more sorrowful than yours,
A thousand warbling echoes have started to life within me, never to die.
O you singer solitary, singing by yourself, projecting me,
O solitary me listening, never more shall I cease perpetuating you,
Never more shall I escape, never more the reverberations,
Never more the cries of unsatisfied love be absent from me,
Never again leave me to be the peaceful child I was before what
there in the night,
By the sea under the yellow and sagging moon,
The messenger there arous'd, the fire, the sweet hell within,
The unknown want, the destiny of me.
O give me the clue! (it lurks in the night here somewhere,)
O if I am to have so much, let me have more!
A word then, (for I will conquer it,)
The word final, superior to all,
Subtle, sent up--what is it?--I listen;
Are you whispering it, and have been all the time, you sea-waves?
Is that it from your liquid rims and wet sands?
Whereto answering, the sea,
Delaying not, hurrying not,
Whisper'd me through the night, and very plainly before daybreak,
Lisp'd to me the low and delicious word death,
And again death, death, death, death
Hissing melodious, neither like the bird nor like my arous'd child's heart,
But edging near as privately for me rustling at my feet,
Creeping thence steadily up to my ears and laving me softly all over,
Death, death, death, death, death.
Which I do not forget.
But fuse the song of my dusky demon and brother,
That he sang to me in the moonlight on Paumanok's gray beach,
With the thousand responsive songs at random,
My own songs awaked from that hour,
And with them the key, the word up from the waves,
The word of the sweetest song and all songs,
That strong and delicious word which, creeping to my feet,
(Or like some old crone rocking the cradle, swathed in sweet
garments, bending aside,)
The sea whisper'd me.
______________________________
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
And O, ye Fountains, Meadows, Hills, and Groves,
Forebode not any severing of our loves!
Yet in my heart of hearts I feel your might;
I only have relinquished one delight
To live beneath your more habitual sway.
I love the Brooks which down their channels fret,
Even more than when I tripped lightly as they;
The innocent brightness of a new-born Day
Is lovely yet;
The Clouds that gather round the setting sun
Do take a sober colouring from an eye
That hath kept watch o'er man's mortality;
Another race hath been, and other palms are won.
Thanks to the human heart by which we live,
Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears,
To me the meanest flower that blows can give
Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.
______________________________
Marmalade my Love, you are the candle on the table that burned, you burned on the table (Zhivago: Winter
Night)
Heather Nova - The Sun Will Always Rise and bring the light, you, Marmalade, the sun that morning, 1st
September 2019, I will ALWAYS remember the sun beam radiating down and you seemed to be grinning (I
could only see your face partially, but your mouth, a grin), the light, returning home, and now I hate the sun more
than ever because of the memory, because you welcomed it, you welcomed the light, but the light, the sunbeam,
it's now you, beaming down, radiating down, shining down, on me
Your eyes closed, head tilted sligly back, face up, you felt a sun and time and tide coming to an end, you felt
another existence outside of our existence
On that chair that morning, I know you were not able to jump off, I move the chair to the couch to help you onto
the couch, you refused to be moved, those purrs, those three deep purring sequences, you let me know, you told
me it was time, it was at least the very last time you could be you, the last time you could allow what made you
YOU show, the last time you could let me know you loved me, the last time, telling me this was it, waiting any
longer to release you meant you would slip away into a dying sleep you would never recover from, you gave me
one last final burst of your life, YOU,
______________________________
Sometimes people leave you
Halfway through the wood
Do not let it grieve you
No one leaves for good
You are not alone
No one is alone
__________________________
I truly believe you willingly made the decision to leave to save us from the emotional pain and financial
circumstances.
It is impossible to put into words the profound effect that you had on my life. You taught me everything that I
know about unconditional love, joy, happiness, wonder, excitement, contentment, selflessness. You were/are my
constant source of warmth.
My heart is absolutely crushed. Your radiance, joy, spirit, magic, limitless supply of love, everything, is here,
reminding me every day to be better.
I am forever honoured and humbled that you chose us as your caretaker. Please visit all of us in our dreams.
__________________________
Safire - Thinking Of You
As I sit
looking out the window
I can still remember
They call me to tell me
you went away
It was such a cold day
On a Sunday morning
It came without a warning
And all the pain I felt inside
I just can't forget you
I'm feeling so alone
Though many times I've tried
I can't get you off my mind
(chorus)
I'm thinking of you
Wonder where you are tonight
I wish that I could hold you tight
I'm thinking of you
Wish you could stay
But you're so far away
So far away
And even though you're gone
I know you're happy
where you are
And I know someday
We'll be together
Together again
On a Sunday morning
It came without a warning
And all the pain I felt inside
I just can't forget you
I'm feeling so alone
Though many times I've tried
I can't get you off my mind
I'm thinking of you
Wonder where you are tonight
I wish that I could hold you tight
I'm thinking of you
Wish you could stay
But you're so far away.
So far away...
I know someday
I'll hold you again
You and me, together again
But until that day
I'm thinking of you
__________________________
gold of the gorgeous, indolent, sinking
sun, burning, expanding the air
Lilac and star and Marmalade twined with the chant of my soul,
There in the fragrant pines and the cedars dusk and dim.
Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.
readapted: Failing to fetch you at first. I keep encouraged,
Missing you one place, I search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you
You stop somewhere waiting for me
__________________________
readapted from Pasternak's Autumn, both translations
Marmalade
Keeping its promise without deception,
The sun penetrated early in the morning,
Tracing a saffron sunray streak obliquely cast
From the window to your resting sprawl.
Blazing ochre was outspread
Over nearby copse and homestead,
My tear-stained pillow, and the bed,
A stretch of wall beyond the bookshelf.
And I recalled the reason why
Suddenly came recollection:
This was the ancient First Day of September
This was your Transfiguration.
On this day a flameless radiant light
Issues from the autumnal sky
And you, my yellow summer and winter blue
Refulgent as an oriflamme,
Command enraptured observation.
You, my flaming firebolt, my sunshine coppered, made your way amid the sere
And starkly stunted autumnal grass
Through the loamy herbage of the earth,
Ablaze like glowing ginger biscuit.
Aloft, the trees' quiescent crowns
Had solemn heaven for their neighbor,
And distance echoed back the sound
Of your long-drawn age-old nightengale trilling polyphonic ululation.
And there, among the endless blue sky with its burning hot September sun
Stood death, to make official survey
And look into my lifeless face
And size my limbs for their interment.
Then, near at hand and heard by all,
A voice spoke, calm and reassuring -
Your own, My own prophetic voice of yore,
Intact, untainted by time and death and corruption and tide:
Farewell to Transfiguration's azure
And to this Gold of Day
Inter into me the bitterness to me of this predestined hour.
Uncounted years
My heart is and forever witness to your life
You are alive as I am alive
Outstretched paw and eye and mind and soul
Free flight forever soaring onwards
Work of wonders
Heaven's Treasure
__________________________
Sweet 10 years and 8 months and 1 day into eternal time.. you stole my heart
I let it go with all the fear and doubt
Sweet cinnamon swirl.. you opened my mind
With all the sweetness that you left behind
And I'm living, with a vision of you
All the days grow colder, but I know
It's not the way I'm holding on but how I'm letting go
And how I will remember
Sweet pussy cat
And now you're with me
You're with me in the sun
I'm a baby in a world that's just begun
And now you're with me
You're with me in the sun and rain
I'm so glad that I will never be the same
Cause I'm living with a vision of you
All the leaves are falling, falling down like light
It's not the way I'm holding on it's how I'm letting go
But how, I will remember
Marmalade
